Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
