i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
