david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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