summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
