dude i'm inner monologue high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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