oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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