You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
