I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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