I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
