i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
