it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
