Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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