I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
