No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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