Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
