Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
