Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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