Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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