God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
