I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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