Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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