somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
