is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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