turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
