guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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