i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
