i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
