My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
