am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
