I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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