Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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