Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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