GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
