sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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