Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
