im holly from the hills drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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