I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
