By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
