I'm lost and stupid without you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
