it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
