at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
