this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
