I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
