after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
