it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
