Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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