last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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