I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
