You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
