problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
