Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
