Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
