Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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