I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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