I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
